The Worlds We Build Between Us
There are two worlds. The world of experience and the world of relation. When people operate from an I-It paradigm they are operating within a world of experience. When they operate from an I-You paradigm they have entered into the world of relation.
Do these two worlds exist side-by-side and do people move between them depending on their moment-to-moment way of being? Or is it more accurate to say people create and destroy these two worlds over and over again, countless times, based on their actions? From this viewpoint, people can be said to have the power to construct and pull apart the worlds of experience and relation.
Is one world better than the other? The philosopher Martin Buber would say the answer is obviously yes, and I don’t disagree, but to what extent is the world of relation an improvement over the world of experience? This difference cannot be measured in exact terms, but must be understood intuitively, as a felt sense.
The world of experience is composed of I-It because the primary concern is one’s own experience. It is the world of the person who goes through life with a proverbial grab bag, always wondering what they can get out of it, what’s in it for them. Going through life this way inevitably leads to the objectification of others.
The world of relation reveals itself in progressive stages. Through nature, through man, and through contact with spirit. By progressive, I do not mean a person leaves behind one stage in order to inhabit another. It is more accurate to say that as a person becomes more knowledgeable and skilled within the world of relation these progressive stages are added onto another. They are combined through an act of synthesis.
Buber describes the first stage as pre-verbal, the second as verbal, and the third as post-verbal, which he describes as a type of communication that transcends the spoken word but is no less effective at achieving its aims.
The last stage of relation is what people long for in their relationships. A level of relating that allows them to be understood and get their needs met without having to utter a word. They fail to achieve it primarily for two reasons. First, they are too eager; they expect it at the onset instead of realizing it is a stage that one gradually progresses towards. Secondly, the early life experience of most people provides a faulty blueprint, at least as it pertains to this goal. For the common person, early life experience typically consists of having caregivers who attend to their needs automatically. They exist in a world of experience which they are the center of. Like the final stage of the world of relation, the world of experience is also non-verbal. The mistake is confusing the post-verbal quality of skillful relating with the limited state of being pre-verbal and primarily concerned with one’s own experience.