What Most People Get Wrong About Anxiety
One of the most common reasons that people seek out psychotherapy is for issues related to anxiety. People are discomforted by the various symptoms associated with anxiety—restlessness, fatigue, constant worry, and difficulties with concentration and focus, to name only a few.
Most people, when they experience this combination of symptoms, want to eliminate them as quickly as possible. They would like to eliminate anxiety in its entirety, but the reality is that while a certain level of anxiety does warrant treatment of some kind, having anxiety is not necessarily bad in and of itself. The assumption that the presence of any and all anxiety is a negative event that must be avoided or upended rests on an incomplete understanding of anxiety.
My view is that anxiety can be a useful feeling, one that can point the way towards happiness and meaning. In light of this view, I will describe in more detail some of the common misconceptions people have about anxiety and offer a brief counter to each of them.
Misperception 1: Having Anxiety Means Something is Wrong With You
Once again, anxiety is one of the most common reasons that people seek out therapy, and the reason it is so common is because anxiety is a universal human experience. Nearly everyone at some point or another will encounter it and thus is able to make reference to some personal experience they have with it. Even for those people who do not seek out therapy primarily for this reason, it is rare that anxiety is not still a part of the clinical picture.
The reason that having anxiety doesn’t mean something is wrong with you is because it is possible for us to distinguish between clinical anxiety and other forms of anxiety that are more normative or more existential in nature. Clinical anxiety is a more severe version of anxiety that impairs a person’s ability to function. It consists of the various types of anxiety disorders listed in the DSM-5. Normative anxiety is the type of anxiety that is triggered by the challenges of everyday life—communicaton issues, worries about doing well in school or at work, desire for approval from others. This type of anxiety is more common but less impactful. It recedes as quickly as it rises. Existential anxiety arises with the deeper awareness and recognition of the human situation—that we are free and thus responsible for our choices, but cannot know beforehand what will come of them, that the meaning of life is easily revealed to us but must be worked out over time, that we are mortal beings who eventually must die and and until then must try to live our lives in the best way possible. All of these normative and existential factors are why people inevitably experience some degree of anxiety.
It is important to make a distinction between clinical anxiety and other types because it allows us to normalize some forms of anxiety without minimizing the suffering caused by other versions of it.
Misperception 2: The Goal is to Eliminate Anxiety
People constantly fall prey to the false notion that there is a way to completely eliminate anxiety from their lives. They are constantly being told that if they would just do, say, talk to, or take such and such then they would live a life that is free from discomfort. Messages like this amount to little more than clever marketing that is designed to make people spend money on products and services they do not need.
The people who peddle this message do so because it creates a permanent customer base. No one can be guaranteed that they will never experience anxiety. The irony is that the more deeply a person believes in this false promise, the more apt they are to chase after it and the more likely they are to experience anxiety as a consequence. The more a person fights against anxiety the more their life comes to be defined by it.
Rather than trying to eliminate anxiety, a more realistic goal would be for a person to try and change their relationship to it. To view anxiety not exclusively as illness or dysfunction, but the debt one must pay in order to experience life. It is part and parcel of the gift that is life, and there can be certain benefits that come with it.
Misperception 3: If You’re Anxious, You’re Weak
Many people choose not to acknowledge anxiety because they believe doing so makes them weak. They think using the word anxiety amounts to conjuring something into existence rather than merely acknowledging a fact of reality.
This view is illogical. We know that anxiety cuts across every social demographic. It affects every person and every personality type. The most and the least successful among us. Our men, our women, our children. Our caretakers. Our business leaders. The perfectionist, the optimists, and the misanthropes. No one is immune from anxiety.
Strength is not defined by the absence of anxiety and weakness is synonymous with its presence. The most powerful person is the one who acknowledges and tolerates anxiety, and still acts in spite of it.
Misperception 4: Anxiety is Always Irrational
There is a function to anxiety. When people experience anxiety it is often in response to genuine concerns and is not merely the product of irrational thinking. There are moments when it makes sense to feel anxious. When it would be strange and alarming not to. This is what I mean when I say anxiety can point the way towards deeper issues.
Anxiety may signify many things besides irrationality. It may point towards a misalignment of values, perhaps unresolved grief. Or it may arise during periods of major life transitions or moments when a person has to make a difficult decision. Everyone is faced with these scenarios at one time or another and experiences anxiety as a consequence of them.
Misperception 5: Avoidance Makes Anxiety Go Away
The most common response to anxiety seems to be avoidance. If something makes someone anxious they simply try to steer clear of it. This action may be associated with the flight or fight response, the idea that when confronted with stressful situations, people will opt to flee if they can or fight if they must in order to protect themselves.
The irony of this response is that avoidance does not guarantee a positive outcome and it can even produce more anxiety in the long-run. As a strategy avoidance is counter-intuitive. It seems like it works because it provides temporary relief, but in reality it is often ineffective. The price a person pays for their avoidance is missing out on the things they value most—connection, career advancement, fun activities. They also rob themselves of the opportunity to learn how to deal with their problems and thus are even less equipped to handle future problems when they occur.
Misperception 6: Therapy Teaches You How to Never Feel Anxious Again
People who are anxious come to therapy because they are looking for a permanent solution to their problem. Whether implied or explicit, they expect the therapist to tell them what they can do in order to never feel anxious again, but unfortunately that’s not how psychotherapy works. Therapy is not emotional anesthesia, and even if it was, that wouldn’t be a good thing. You can’t shut down the pathway to one emotion without shutting down the pathway to others as well, some of which you may like and actually want to feel.
If the expectation is that therapy is a service that can somehow circumvent this standard, it is doomed to fail. However, what therapy can do is provide an avenue for people to understand their anxiety and learn how to tolerate it so they can recognize it as a messenger and actually listen to what it is trying to tell them. Therapy can help people to reclaim the parts of themselves that have been shut off, abandoned, and neglected, including the anxious parts. Reincorporating these parts yields positive results in that people are able to make choices that are in accordance with their whole being and align with their values rather than their fears.
Anxiety as a Messenger
The core takeaway should be that anxiety isn’t always maladaptive. It’s not always the result of a malfunction. Sometimes it is merely a sign that reveals that a person is in need of a change or preparing to go through one. The assumptions people make and the questions they ask themselves about their anxiety must shift from how do I stop feeling anxious to what is this anxiety trying to tell me? What do I need to slow down and notice?
Not all anxiety needs to be eliminated. We do not need to wage war against it (more than likely we would lose), but rather we must try to understand it and learn from it. This is how we create a space for greater freedom, authenticity, and meaningful living.